Notes to Self..

JustBEE

Going into this month, I really wanted to be intentional.

I’ve realized that over the last 36 years, I never learned how to just be. No one prepares you for life after survival mode. Slowing down isn’t natural when you’ve lived in a constant state of doing — it takes intention. It takes sitting still long enough to hear your own thoughts, to filter through the noise, and to ask: What actually matters?

Becoming the version of yourself you’ve dreamed of doesn’t happen by accident. You have to show up as her. Your habits, your thoughts, the condition of your Heart — they have to align. Not perfectly, but purposefully. You may not have it all figured out, but all roads should point in the same direction.

Leaving survival mode has been confusing. I’ve arrived at a place I’ve never been before. The destination feels clear, but the path? At times, it feels heavy — uncharted, unfamiliar. That tension between knowing your why and not always knowing your how — it’s real. And the truth is: clarity doesn’t always come with comfort.

When I look back at the many versions of myself I’ve created, I realize now that they were all walking the same road — just at different points in the journey. Each was trying to answer the same question: Who am I?

Those versions brought fleeting moments of security, but they weren’t me. They looked like me in outline, but never in essence. They felt familiar — but only as strangers do.

And yet, through all of this, exiting survival mode has revealed something deeper: a reflection of God’s love for me.

He’s helping me pick up the pieces I thought I had to leave behind. He’s putting them in their proper place — while making room for the woman I was always meant to BEE.

Fully. Freely. Unapologetically me.